Next week gonna be very hell week, cos of field camp... Last 2 days had IFC, was already hell enough le...

Really need to depend on God even more during the hell week... Need His grace and also strength and love... I can sense that during the hell week i will get even more emotional...

Right now is a 2 days break before going through hell for 6 days and 5 nights... Gonna get myself prepared for it mentally, physically and spiritually...

For the past 3 weeks, I have been struggling with different things such as pull up, and the si bei jia liat SOC obstacles... Although I got support from my section/bunk mates, at times I still felt very discouraged, especially when they already told me my mistakes and I still couldn't overcome it.. At times I felt that I am really a fool in certain ways... Haiz....

Come to think of it, right now I learn to appreciate a lot more things outside, even to my coy line area, the bunks that we sleep at night...

Okay la I gotta stop here for now... Need to go out later for buy stuff and meet friends... All the best for those who will be going through hell in weeks to come...

Will update again after my bookout...

Cya all!

Right now I really feel that money itself can hurt my feelings...

First thing, my pay for the past few months is low...

Second thing, I really got a lot of things that I wanna do with it, but it's always the financial issue that cause the hindering...

And then, because of that and past few weeks I have been meeting people and spending $$$ along the way for transport and food etc, my cash in hand and cash at bank has been depleting, even with the extra allowance that I got from my relatives, it's also somehow used up already...

Before my NS, I have been wanting to meet as many group of friends as possible, but all these means that more $$$ will be gone...

And the fact that my family's financial is just like barely okok only, makes me sometimes feel very bad when I look at other people...

I always longing wanted to travel to places like Hong Kong, and everytime I said that I wanna save up $$$ to go, it always failed in the end? Why? The expenses in the end will go to necessities such as food and transportation, and in the end, my savings equals to no saving at all...

At times, when I see others having the luxury to do things that I can't afford to do and like to do, I will feel heartbroken... When my parents told me that (quote a example) "F1 is for those rich people to watch one, not for you to watch", deep in my heart, I really felt very heartbroken, and at times, I just think that "why others can do this but I can't?" and hide in a cosy corner and broke down...

Even right now as I blog this entry, I have been trying to control my tears because I'm in a public place now... Right now what I feel like doing is to just hug at someone who really cares at me and cry it all out...

Just couldn't blog any further now......... No mood to type any further....

Haiz...

*sobx*