10:37 PM
Reflecting on my spiritual life..It's time to reflect on my own spiritual life...
I still find that my spiritual hunger level is pretty dry... My level has not reached till the expectation that I myself want to see.. Now the pattern for me is like: (in terms of the spiritual hunger level)
Sunday - Monday: High..
Tuesday: Starting to get a bit lower..
Wednesday - Friday: Very low & dry..
Saturday: High up again..
In terms of my spiritual discipline wise, it's also pretty bad for me... Especially when it comes to daily prayer and quiet time with God.. Every single day, God has indeed blessed me in certain ways, just like this morning for a Mercedes bus for Service 966 (instead of all the crap Scanias cameo which for today, there's 3 of them at least, TIB564Y, TIB658K, and 1 more with ICM rear blue ad), and without much waiting time for Scania K230s on Service 24, and not to forget the NTU buses this afternoon and night (SBS2822H for Service 174 and SBS2818X on Service 16). Of course in areas other than buses, God has indeed provided me with blessings.. But sometimes, I just failed to speak to Him and thank Him for what He has done for me, which I feel that it's a very sad and disappointment for me, that I have failed to do my part even for a simple yet grateful task to thank Him...
Talking about my prayer life, I feel like sighing even more.. Often, when I pray with a few people together, I will hear them praying for a very long time just for a certain stuff and I tend to feel very panic because I know that when I pray, I don't speak very fluently (and very fast as well?!) and have a lot of things to say.. During my quiet time, I will just speak to God naturally, just like how I usually speak to all my friends here, and hence, there isn't any so-called 'chim chim' words being used as my vocabulary isn't that great actually.. Someone did actually mentioned that it's not the 'chim chim' words which determines my prayer level.. The most important thing is that I must really have the hunger for more prayer and pray for wisdom from Him, so that I have even more things which I really wish to pray for in all areas of my life..
Talking about my daily quiet time, it's also actually pretty bad, in the sense that I failed to do so every single day.. I just find that I have encountered with obstructions and barriers to it, most of the time it's at my home whereby I have disruptions from my parents and brother, especially the latter. There isn't any open space court or what around my block area. In the bus, usually the amount of time I have in a particular bus does not exceed 45 minutes (which I find that 45 minutes is too short for me to have my quiet time), and usually for SMRT Buses (it's not because I am biased but that's the true fact because SMRT is well known for poor frequency during peak hours, both in the area of buses and trains), it's already grateful for me to be able to step onto the entrance/exit steps and board the bus, let alone having the luxury to sit down and be able to concentrate for my quiet time... The only time when I successfully get to have my own quiet time so far is when I settle dinner outside alone at night in the city area and after that either go to Benjamin Shears Bridge or somewhere else (for last Tuesday, it's somewhere along Singapore River near the Parliament House).. Indeed, I really find that my spiritual hunger level is not really there yet, because when it's there, no matter what, I will still set aside some time for my quiet time...
For now, I just really need to pray that I will have even greater anointing, stronger presence of God, and that God will speak to me especially when my spiritual level is dry and really need Him to refresh me..
Victor Lim